Here is my blog for today. It is a nice cloudy, rainy, day today, and I am OK with that. Last night it stormed pretty heavy, and we were a close family through the night. By that I mean, both the boys thought that they should climb into bed with my husband and I, because they were afraid. I can't say that I blame them, some of the thunder was pretty loud, and it scared me too. The storm passed, and we put them back to bed, only to be wakened an hour or so later to another storm, although this one didn't wake the kids up, Praise the Lord!! It was a long night for me especially. I really don't sleep much anymore, I keep telling my husband that sleep is over rated, although I don't really think that's true.
So many things have been going on, and I normally stay awake at night praying, and thinking. Well that was me last night. Hubby went to sleep, and I stayed up. I watched some TV, and then I just turned it off, and laid there. I probably shouldn't ponder so many things while I am laying in bed at night, but I can't help it. It is the only time when the kids aren't playing, or screaming, etc., there isn't any noise, nothing, and so it is peaceful, and you can think. So I layed there last night and I prayed for so many things.
I want something to change in my life in the area of Church and serving the Lord. Yes, I am faithful to the Lord now, and I enjoy that, and that is the way that it should be, but I want MORE. Last night was a rough night for hubby at Church. Our Pastor is out of town, and he Preached his heart out, and he felt as though he didn't get anywhere. I told him that wasn't true, but I don't really think it made a difference. I don't really think that I am helping my husband like I should be. He is so sad, and heartbroken right now, and there is nothing that I can do to help him. I hate feeling helpless. I know that the Lord is in control, and that He will take care of him, I just wish that there were more that I could do. I love my husband SOOOOOOOOO Much and I just wish that there were more to do to help him.
I want answers so badly, and yet they simply seem as if they aren't coming. I am sure that they will come, and I KNOW that they will, the big question is when?? How long do we have to wait? I didn't realize that the ministry could be so hard. We have been through a lot in the short time that we have been serving in the ministry. When I was younger I didn't think that I would be moving here and there, and going to different Churches. That wasn't what I was used too. I was used to staying at one Church and serving there. That is what I want right now. I want to find somewhere to serve and be there for a while. It is hard to see me staying where we are at right now, and staying under the Pastor that we are under now, because unless things change, I simply can't do it. I want some new doors to open up for us, and I pray that they do soon.
I guess the bottom line is, that I have to remain faithful to the Lord, and He will remain faithful to me. I know that all this pain will be taken away soon, the big question is when?? Until then though I remain safely In His Grip!!!!
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