Mixed Emotions

So, it's been a while since I've last posted anything. There is no specific reason for that, just that I simply haven't done it. I love to write, and I love to blog. It is one thing that I have always found theraputic for me. Just sit and write, and I could for a long time. I don't know that my thoughts would make sense, but it would help me none the less. :-)

Things are well here. The new year has begun with little activity. Not much has been going on really. We've had our bouts with illness. Jacob had a double ear infection, and Dylan had strep and an infection on his stomach. All that has cleared up, and now Dylan has a cough. Uggggggghhh!! Such is life I suppose. I do monitor Dylan when he gets sick with coughs or breathing problems, because we almost lost him as a baby to RSV. He was horribly sick, and that is something that I never want to face again. (We won't have to, as he is to old now.) I feel for any parent that has a child that has to go through that nasty virus. It almost took Dylan away from us. So, needless to say that when he gets sick like that, I keep a close eye on him. I don't think it's anything major though, so that's good. Outside of illness, the new year has been un-eventful.

Chris and I are ready to be back in the ministry again, and we know that the Lord will lead us in the direction that we need to be in when the time is right. I realized something the other day that put things into reality. It was a year ago that we thought about leaving our old Church, and going somewhere else. The Lord chose to hold us there for 8 months, before He moved us on. I think that our flesh always wants things to happen right now!! We don't want to wait, we want it NOW, and sometimes The Lord says: No MY child, you have to wait. And in reality, that is where we are now.

Waiting....I am OK with waiting though, because I realize that the Lord is using that time to heal my heart. And as much as I am ready to minister to people again, if now isn't the time, then that's OK as well. My true love, and passion is to minister to teens again. Oh I miss the teens so much!! I LOVED every minute of it, ministering to them, watching them grow, and blossom. It hurt so deep having to walk away from that. Leaving them, and knowing that I couldn't help them anymore, that they were out of my hands hurt deeper than any pain I've ever felt. Then the Lord reminded me that He loves them more, and He will take care of them. They aren't abandoned, He will help them.

It's taken me a while to realize that it's OK to hurt, but it's not OK to live that pain day in and day out. For a while there, that is what I was doing. Living, breathing, walking, functioning (or not), with the pain that had happened!! That was not OK. That was not pleasing to the Lord. But oh the pain we felt. Being betrayed, our name dragged through the mud, my husband being torn to shredds, all by a "man of God" , what a shame.

I was talking to Chris the other day, and I told him that what happened to us out there was NOT OK!! I was so tired of everbody saying it's OK, and there's nothing you can do about it. No!! It's not OK. It's not OK that he spread lies, vicous rumours, and said hurtful things, slandered, threatened, etc., our names, and our lives. IT'S NOT OK. I realize that getting angry about it though, will not help me. God will take care of the man that did this, and I realized that I had to give it to God 100%, and my life will be better for it.

So I've worked through a lot this year. Knowing that my turn (our turn) in the ministry will be right around the corner again, and I look forward to that day again. Ministering to people again...WOW!! How refreshing that will be. It seems like it's been forever, and I know that it hasn't, but it feels that way.

Sometimes you have to listen to that still small voice that says: WAIT MY CHILD. I will wait, and I will be patient, no matter how hard that will be on some days, that's what the Lord wants, and I need to obey Him. He will lead me on the path that I need to be on, that WE need to be on.

So I am done for now. Hopefully this all made sense, not to sure if I could put all my thoughts together for them to make sense, but I tried and that is all that matters. I really am going to try to be more faithful in this, and blog more often. We'll see how that goes. It's a new year...Anything can happen. :-)

Bittersweet Feelings

Well tonight as I sit here, my friend is in the hospital getting ready to have a baby. I am so happy for her, this is her dream come true, but at the same time, it's bittersweet for me.

I don't want to be selfish in my way of thinking, and I realize that maybe I am being a little bit selfish, but for the past 5 years, all I have wanted is another baby. I lost a baby 5 years ago, and since then I have had the desire to have another one. I know that I am so blessed right now, with my two boys, and I don't take that for granted at all. God has been good to me, and I realize that He has trusted my husband and I with our boys, and I am so grateful for that. There are just days when I want another baby.

Most of the time I am OK with it, and I am OK with not having another one, but there are times when it hits me, and I want another one. I realize that I need to be thankful for all that the Lord has given me, and I don't want to sound un-grateful, I guess it's just the women in me that wants more. Who knows...maybe it's the Lord's way of telling me not to have anymore, I don't know.

So as I pray for my friend that she will have a healthy delivery, I pray that the Lord will mend my heart as well. I want to be happy for her, and I am. I wish her all the best, and I know that she will make a wonderful mom. =) It's just left me feeling...bittersweet...

Reflecting and realizations =)

Well I realize that it has been a while, but as you all know...time can get away from you. All the hype over the Holidays, and then just like that, it's over.

I cannot believe that it is 2007 already!! Where does the time go? I really don't know where the past 10 years since I have been out of High School have gone. I am astonished that it's even been 10 years since High School, I cannot believe that at all. Time flies when you're having fun, and I can honestly say that I've enjoyed the last 10 years that's for sure.

My husband and I are getting ready to celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary, and that doesn't seem possible, but it is. I am so EXCITED about that, I really am. Every year gets better and better (or as he would say...gooder and gooder LOL). He is the Love of my life, and I am so extremely happy to be married to him. He makes me so happy every day, and I realize that I am so blessed and lucky to have such a wonderful husband. God was so good to me when he brought him into my life!!

As the new year came around (and not that we are to far into it), I started realizing a lot of things. Nothing major, just little things. I realized that people, no matter how old they are, can still be so childish, and I don't really like that. You would think that as adults, you would be past the whole I'm not talking to you things, but sometimes you just come across people that aren't past that. I guess I have to realize that if they are like that with me, then I just have to give them over to the Lord and allow Him to take care of it. As much as it bothers me, and it is one of my pet peeves, I have to give it to God and allow Him to take care of it. It isn't in my control anyway.

I also realized that 2007 I had to make a change in my life for the Lord. For the first time in a long time, I've read my Bible every day, and not only that, I'm getting things from it!! I am remembering what I am reading, and retaining some knowledge of it. I am so happy with myself for that. For years I have wanted that, and I realized that this was the year that things in my life had to change, and I was the only one that could make that change. God is so good to me, and I realized that I wasn't getting enough from Him. There was answers to so many things that I just wasn't picking up, and getting. The Bible has all the answers in life that I need, and I wasn't reading it. Shame on me!! Praise the Lord that we serve a God of second, third, fourth, etc., chances. He was wanting me to read His Word, and I chose not to...shame on me. But!! He never gave up on me, and He is still there with open arms. How AWESOME!!

I also realized how old my kids were getting. They are 8 &7 now, and I don't know where the time has gone. Where have my babies gone? They are getting older, and maturing, and I don't know where the time has gone. I want to cherish every minute that I can with them, because before I know it, they will be out of my house, and on their own. WOW!! What a scary thought. My little guys on their own...I better not rush anything, right?!

Well I guess that is all of my reflections and my realizations. Nothing major just a few things that I've realized. I hope that everyone's New Year is finding them well. God Bless!!