I know it's been a while, and I couldn't even really tell you why. I have so much that I want to say, and so much that I could say, and yet I simply don't write it down. I guess for fear of what might come out, or might be said. And although I am sure that it is safe to say that nobody really reads this, the one time that I would write something down, is the time that I would regret what I said. I'm sure we all understand what it is that I am talking about.
Things are going pretty well actually. My family and I are at a new Church, and it is a breath of fresh air...Literally. We felt trapped for so long, and like we couldn't breathe, now we are at a Church where the Love of The Lord is taught, and it's AMAZING!! It's great to finally hear messages of God's Love, and how God wants us to be. Instead of always hearing how horrible we are as people, and we just let the Lord down, and we are no good. Etc., Etc., Etc.... I was really getting tired of feeling run down. I literally got to the point where I didn't want to go to Church anymore. I didn't want to see anybody, and I didn't want to walk through the Church doors. I had such a wounded spirit, I was so hurt. Deep down inside I felt broken...I had no answers, and I just had to fake it there for a while. You want people to believe that it's great and there is nothing wrong, and so while you are dealing with people you just make it look like everything is OK, and then when you get behind closed doors, you break down. I can tell you that the Lord heard me A LOT crying out to Him, asking, begging Him for help. It was almost as if I was tired of wandering in the desert, and asking the Lord...How much longer Lord??!! I can't do this much longer....Deliver me!! And He did!!
I didn't expect my journey with my husband in the ministry to be as eventful as it has been, but I know that I wouldn't take it back for anything. I know that this is the Lord's way of teaching us how to do things, and how NOT to do things. I have learned a lot, and I realize now more than ever that people are just looking to be loved. People want to hear that the Lord loves them, and yes sin is sin, and that needs to be taught, but NOT shoved down people's throats. The reason that I know that I can say that, is because that is what I want, what I need.
We have truly gone through A LOT the past couple of months, and I wish that I could sit here and say that it is over, but sadly I can't do that. The lies, rumors, etc., are still going on, and they don't look like they will end. If it's not one thing, it's another. It amazes me that one man can run his mouth till he is blue in the face, and think that it's OK, and call himself a man of God. Our former Pastor has done more harm than good, and it is really annoying. The Bible says to pray for your enemies, and that is exactly what I'm doing. I pray for him all the time. My biggest prayer is that the Lord will move him on. Away from here, and away from the people that he has hurt the most. One day he will realize the pain that he has caused people, and he will learn that he did more harm than good in a lot of people's lives.
I just praise the Lord every day for leading us to our new Church. The Pastor there is AWESOME!! He understands where Chris and I are coming from, both he and his wife have been there. They have compassion, and they are OK with allowing us to heal, which is exactly what we need. I know that if I were to go somewhere right now, and teach people, I'd be absolutely no good to anyone. My pain is so deep, but with the Lord's help, I am getting through this. Yes, it's been a journey, and I know that I'm not done yet, but I am learning as I go.
I have to say that through this all, my husband has been my HERO!! Outside of the Lord, my husband is my hero, my all. On earth he is the one that I follow, and he has not led me and our family astray. He is so strong, and mighty, and I admire everything about him. Through everything that has happened, and all the attacks that he has had to face in the past couple of months (and let me tell you there has been a lot, and they are bad!) he always has such a sweet spirit, and over and over he tells me that it is going to be OK. I know that it is going to be OK, and I know that the Lord is going to work it all out, and I trust the Lord to do that. I thank the Lord every day for my husband!! He is the best, and I am beyond blessed to be married to him. He gives me so much strength, especially when I just want to quit. He lifts me up, and he picks me up when I fall, and he won't let me quit. My prayer is that I can be as strong as he is one day.
I am off for now. I am going to try and blog more often, it would probably help me if I would. It lets me get a lot of things off my chest, and that is a good thing. Sometimes if you just write it out, then you feel better, and I can honestly say that I do feel better now. So TTFN :-)
Things are going pretty well actually. My family and I are at a new Church, and it is a breath of fresh air...Literally. We felt trapped for so long, and like we couldn't breathe, now we are at a Church where the Love of The Lord is taught, and it's AMAZING!! It's great to finally hear messages of God's Love, and how God wants us to be. Instead of always hearing how horrible we are as people, and we just let the Lord down, and we are no good. Etc., Etc., Etc.... I was really getting tired of feeling run down. I literally got to the point where I didn't want to go to Church anymore. I didn't want to see anybody, and I didn't want to walk through the Church doors. I had such a wounded spirit, I was so hurt. Deep down inside I felt broken...I had no answers, and I just had to fake it there for a while. You want people to believe that it's great and there is nothing wrong, and so while you are dealing with people you just make it look like everything is OK, and then when you get behind closed doors, you break down. I can tell you that the Lord heard me A LOT crying out to Him, asking, begging Him for help. It was almost as if I was tired of wandering in the desert, and asking the Lord...How much longer Lord??!! I can't do this much longer....Deliver me!! And He did!!
I didn't expect my journey with my husband in the ministry to be as eventful as it has been, but I know that I wouldn't take it back for anything. I know that this is the Lord's way of teaching us how to do things, and how NOT to do things. I have learned a lot, and I realize now more than ever that people are just looking to be loved. People want to hear that the Lord loves them, and yes sin is sin, and that needs to be taught, but NOT shoved down people's throats. The reason that I know that I can say that, is because that is what I want, what I need.
We have truly gone through A LOT the past couple of months, and I wish that I could sit here and say that it is over, but sadly I can't do that. The lies, rumors, etc., are still going on, and they don't look like they will end. If it's not one thing, it's another. It amazes me that one man can run his mouth till he is blue in the face, and think that it's OK, and call himself a man of God. Our former Pastor has done more harm than good, and it is really annoying. The Bible says to pray for your enemies, and that is exactly what I'm doing. I pray for him all the time. My biggest prayer is that the Lord will move him on. Away from here, and away from the people that he has hurt the most. One day he will realize the pain that he has caused people, and he will learn that he did more harm than good in a lot of people's lives.
I just praise the Lord every day for leading us to our new Church. The Pastor there is AWESOME!! He understands where Chris and I are coming from, both he and his wife have been there. They have compassion, and they are OK with allowing us to heal, which is exactly what we need. I know that if I were to go somewhere right now, and teach people, I'd be absolutely no good to anyone. My pain is so deep, but with the Lord's help, I am getting through this. Yes, it's been a journey, and I know that I'm not done yet, but I am learning as I go.
I have to say that through this all, my husband has been my HERO!! Outside of the Lord, my husband is my hero, my all. On earth he is the one that I follow, and he has not led me and our family astray. He is so strong, and mighty, and I admire everything about him. Through everything that has happened, and all the attacks that he has had to face in the past couple of months (and let me tell you there has been a lot, and they are bad!) he always has such a sweet spirit, and over and over he tells me that it is going to be OK. I know that it is going to be OK, and I know that the Lord is going to work it all out, and I trust the Lord to do that. I thank the Lord every day for my husband!! He is the best, and I am beyond blessed to be married to him. He gives me so much strength, especially when I just want to quit. He lifts me up, and he picks me up when I fall, and he won't let me quit. My prayer is that I can be as strong as he is one day.
Well I guess that has been my life in a nutshell. I am looking forward to the Holidays, and I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Turkey, dressing, pumpkin pie, it's all next week. (let's all remember what there is to be thankful for in this life!!) That just doesn't seem possible. Next week, the day after Thanksgiving, we will be putting up our Christmas tree, and hanging the lights, putting up our stockings, and I get to put out ALL my snowmen!! That is so great. I am an avid snowman collector, and I cannot wait to bring them all back out, plus all the new ones that I have gotten. I am looking forward to it all.
I am off for now. I am going to try and blog more often, it would probably help me if I would. It lets me get a lot of things off my chest, and that is a good thing. Sometimes if you just write it out, then you feel better, and I can honestly say that I do feel better now. So TTFN :-)
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