Well tonight as I sit here, my friend is in the hospital getting ready to have a baby. I am so happy for her, this is her dream come true, but at the same time, it's bittersweet for me.
I don't want to be selfish in my way of thinking, and I realize that maybe I am being a little bit selfish, but for the past 5 years, all I have wanted is another baby. I lost a baby 5 years ago, and since then I have had the desire to have another one. I know that I am so blessed right now, with my two boys, and I don't take that for granted at all. God has been good to me, and I realize that He has trusted my husband and I with our boys, and I am so grateful for that. There are just days when I want another baby.
Most of the time I am OK with it, and I am OK with not having another one, but there are times when it hits me, and I want another one. I realize that I need to be thankful for all that the Lord has given me, and I don't want to sound un-grateful, I guess it's just the women in me that wants more. Who knows...maybe it's the Lord's way of telling me not to have anymore, I don't know.
So as I pray for my friend that she will have a healthy delivery, I pray that the Lord will mend my heart as well. I want to be happy for her, and I am. I wish her all the best, and I know that she will make a wonderful mom. =) It's just left me feeling...bittersweet...
I don't want to be selfish in my way of thinking, and I realize that maybe I am being a little bit selfish, but for the past 5 years, all I have wanted is another baby. I lost a baby 5 years ago, and since then I have had the desire to have another one. I know that I am so blessed right now, with my two boys, and I don't take that for granted at all. God has been good to me, and I realize that He has trusted my husband and I with our boys, and I am so grateful for that. There are just days when I want another baby.
Most of the time I am OK with it, and I am OK with not having another one, but there are times when it hits me, and I want another one. I realize that I need to be thankful for all that the Lord has given me, and I don't want to sound un-grateful, I guess it's just the women in me that wants more. Who knows...maybe it's the Lord's way of telling me not to have anymore, I don't know.
So as I pray for my friend that she will have a healthy delivery, I pray that the Lord will mend my heart as well. I want to be happy for her, and I am. I wish her all the best, and I know that she will make a wonderful mom. =) It's just left me feeling...bittersweet...
1 comment:
It's been forever it seems like.
Was it someone we know? or was it a lady at your new church?
I read your husbands blog and it brought back memories. It was 11 1/2 months after we left Bethel, before God chose to open a door for us. We used the time to go to the same like and faith churches. Mike was able to talk to the Pastors and ask them to keep an ear out for any Churches that needed a Pastor. We had 15 Pastor's in total that way. And that's how we heard about O.B.C.
It was very hard and we shed more tears in our married life together during that period, but God was teaching us patience, trust, new things to do in our church and most of all trust. Mike also turned 2 down and 1 church that he thought was the place, they called and said he wasn't the Man of God for them. So if you want to talk about what your going through, I'm hear for you. If you don't know my cell # shoot me a e-mail.
LYL
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