Mixed Emotions

So, it's been a while since I've last posted anything. There is no specific reason for that, just that I simply haven't done it. I love to write, and I love to blog. It is one thing that I have always found theraputic for me. Just sit and write, and I could for a long time. I don't know that my thoughts would make sense, but it would help me none the less. :-)

Things are well here. The new year has begun with little activity. Not much has been going on really. We've had our bouts with illness. Jacob had a double ear infection, and Dylan had strep and an infection on his stomach. All that has cleared up, and now Dylan has a cough. Uggggggghhh!! Such is life I suppose. I do monitor Dylan when he gets sick with coughs or breathing problems, because we almost lost him as a baby to RSV. He was horribly sick, and that is something that I never want to face again. (We won't have to, as he is to old now.) I feel for any parent that has a child that has to go through that nasty virus. It almost took Dylan away from us. So, needless to say that when he gets sick like that, I keep a close eye on him. I don't think it's anything major though, so that's good. Outside of illness, the new year has been un-eventful.

Chris and I are ready to be back in the ministry again, and we know that the Lord will lead us in the direction that we need to be in when the time is right. I realized something the other day that put things into reality. It was a year ago that we thought about leaving our old Church, and going somewhere else. The Lord chose to hold us there for 8 months, before He moved us on. I think that our flesh always wants things to happen right now!! We don't want to wait, we want it NOW, and sometimes The Lord says: No MY child, you have to wait. And in reality, that is where we are now.

Waiting....I am OK with waiting though, because I realize that the Lord is using that time to heal my heart. And as much as I am ready to minister to people again, if now isn't the time, then that's OK as well. My true love, and passion is to minister to teens again. Oh I miss the teens so much!! I LOVED every minute of it, ministering to them, watching them grow, and blossom. It hurt so deep having to walk away from that. Leaving them, and knowing that I couldn't help them anymore, that they were out of my hands hurt deeper than any pain I've ever felt. Then the Lord reminded me that He loves them more, and He will take care of them. They aren't abandoned, He will help them.

It's taken me a while to realize that it's OK to hurt, but it's not OK to live that pain day in and day out. For a while there, that is what I was doing. Living, breathing, walking, functioning (or not), with the pain that had happened!! That was not OK. That was not pleasing to the Lord. But oh the pain we felt. Being betrayed, our name dragged through the mud, my husband being torn to shredds, all by a "man of God" , what a shame.

I was talking to Chris the other day, and I told him that what happened to us out there was NOT OK!! I was so tired of everbody saying it's OK, and there's nothing you can do about it. No!! It's not OK. It's not OK that he spread lies, vicous rumours, and said hurtful things, slandered, threatened, etc., our names, and our lives. IT'S NOT OK. I realize that getting angry about it though, will not help me. God will take care of the man that did this, and I realized that I had to give it to God 100%, and my life will be better for it.

So I've worked through a lot this year. Knowing that my turn (our turn) in the ministry will be right around the corner again, and I look forward to that day again. Ministering to people again...WOW!! How refreshing that will be. It seems like it's been forever, and I know that it hasn't, but it feels that way.

Sometimes you have to listen to that still small voice that says: WAIT MY CHILD. I will wait, and I will be patient, no matter how hard that will be on some days, that's what the Lord wants, and I need to obey Him. He will lead me on the path that I need to be on, that WE need to be on.

So I am done for now. Hopefully this all made sense, not to sure if I could put all my thoughts together for them to make sense, but I tried and that is all that matters. I really am going to try to be more faithful in this, and blog more often. We'll see how that goes. It's a new year...Anything can happen. :-)