Through all the hurt and pain in life....God's love is....PERFECT!!

I realize that it has been a very long time since I have been on here, and I am so sorry for that. I don't know who really takes the time to read my blog (outside of a few people), but this is mainly to help me vent.

So many things have gone on in the past 2 months. You talk about a rollercoaster, I have been on the biggest one of my life recently. I cannot begin to tell anyone the pain, sorrow, anguish, etc....that I have felt. In the past few months, I realized that if it wasn't for God's love, and grace, I don't know where I'd be.

It all began when my husband was canidating for a Church in Burkburnett, TX. We went there to see if that is where the Lord would lead us. While we were there, my husbands name was being dragged through the mud up here. He had just recently resigned his position at the Church that he was the Assistant/Youth Pastor at, because he realized that he (or we) could no longer support the leadership and where his direction was going. Therefore he resigned...Long story short, we should have walked away sooner. So, while we were in Texas, and while he is Preaching at this Church, seeing if this is where the Lord would have us, all you know what is breaking loose up here. Phone call after phone call is what we were getting, about what was going on here. We decide that that Church is not where we need to be when we come back from Texas, and determine in our minds to move on, and walk away....QUITELY.

Well in the process of all that was going on here, other members of the Church realized that it was also their time to leave. (*Side note-During this time, the Church here was having a tent meeting, with services every night.*) So, during everything going on, more people realize that the Lord is closing the door on their staying there. So, all in total, 5 families walked away. Well through all this, slander and degrading, it was all my husbands fault. AMAZING!! Biblically he did nothing wrong. My husband did it all the way that it was supposed to be done, and we did nothing wrong!!

So, then we find out a week later on a Sunday night that he didn't get the Church.....basically due to slander from the Pastor here!! I was OUTRAGED!! Never, NEVER have I felt so much pain, hurt, sorrow. I literally threw my hands up in the air that night, and told my husband- "If this is what the ministry is...You can keep it. I'm done!!"

We've faced a few battles since that. We also realize that us not getting that Church in TX was the Lord's will, and that He was protecting us from something that could have been horrible. We were prepared for if they said no, we just weren't prepared for the reason it happened. The battles that have come since then haven't been as bad, but they were still battle none the less.

Through this all, we have seen some families come closer to the Lord, and that is so AWESOME!! We have now found a Church here in town, where the Pastor is welcoming us with open arms, and Praise the Lord for it. He is a good guy, and has love and compassion for families, people, and kids. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

I realize now also, that this is not what the ministry is about. God is so much more than judgemental. He is a God of love and compassion, and I am finding my way back to Him. I realize that I have strayed from Him, and that is not where I need to be. God is so loving to me, and when I feel as though I can't go on anymore, it's almost as if I feel His arms around me, and saying It's OK, I am here for you, and WE will make it through this. God and His love for me is so personal right now. I am so glad that I realize that it will all be alright, and that He loves me through it all.

I have to say that one of my biggest joys right now (aside from the Lord and what He has done for me) is my husband!! I know that I always say that, but it is so true! He has shown the Love of God at times when the flesh is all that showed in me. He kept on, and he kept the faith. He made me see that God isn't abandoning us, and that He will see us through. I absolutely love my husband for all that he has done for me and our family. He is such a strong man, and I admire him so much!! (I LOVE YOU BABY!!)

So that is my life in a nutshell right now. I will try to be better about updating. I think things will be getting better soon, and that's a good thing. My broken toe is still healing, although it's a lot better. My mom is moving out the begining of next month, and that's about it really.